I was hoping that 2011 would be a good year for me and my children. The amazing things haven’t happened YET, but I’m still hopeful. What pissed me off entirely about this whole situation was when a certain girl told me via instant messenger that I should pray to god to make things better. She also said she’ll pray for me, and ask god to provide for me and my kids.

I asked her, will god give me money to pay for the bills? She didn’t reply. And I asked myself, what will praying to god do for me? I guess nothing, the same back in 2006 when I asked god to help me get through a tough time. He never responded, he remained silent as usual. I found the answers to my problems through someone else.

So when bad things happen, I should pass on the responsibility of making things better to god? I should pass on the blame to god? Why? To make ourselves feel better by telling ourselves that this is a part of a grand plan? I don’t think that a grand plan was provided by a supernatural being. I don’t believe that I should pass on the responsibilities and the blame to someone else.

When I do something right, I would like to be credited for it. I don’t want an invisible sky god to take credit for my achievements. At the same time, when I f**k things up for myself and my children, I would like to take the heat. I don’t want to blame someone else, visible or not, for my decisions and my choices.

So to you, I’m sorry but I don’t want to pray. What I want to do is make things happen for me and my kids. I will make my own grand plan and when I get through this, I’ll give myself a pat on the back and say “good job Jackie, you did it!”. I won’t be pointing accusing fingers to god, and I won’t be burning candles for him either.